Weight Watching (sigh.)

I never thought I'd be saying this again, but I'm back on Weight Watchers.

Sure, I have a healthy BMI--around 21.8--but that doesn't mean I'm happy with it.  Around August-November, and even into December before the holiday eating really commenced, I was right where I wanted to be and only felt like I needed to do some toning to see exactly what I wanted.  Then the holidays started and I made it a point to gain some weight because I thought I needed to, as I hadn't had "my friend" in months.  Well, that situation resolved itself a few weeks ago, and according to my doctor, might not have been related to my weight or even activity level whatsoever.

So now here I am, still carrying the holiday weight, plus 3 pounds or so extra.  I hate it.  And it's not even about focusing on the number on the scale.  I'd be OK with this number if it were a muscular version of the same, but it's not and I know it isn't. 

I did WW successfully back in 2010-early 2011.  I lost about 18-20 lbs. and really liked how the plan fit my lifestyle.  Of course, I was running 5K's back then, not half marathons (I'd never be crazy enough to do WW while training for a full).  So I know that, at the very least, I'll have to break the plan the night before long runs, or make sure to preemptively use my activity points. 

I never thought I'd be saying I'm doing this again because I never thought I'd be there again--in a situation where I needed to lose weight but was having trouble working up the willpower to do it on my own.  I thought I was self-sufficient and could do it all by myself.  Truth betold, maybe I could do it all by myself.  But after two weeks of my old antics of "maybe tomorrow" or tracking a day or two with a free plan, I decided to just bite the bullet and do it.  And I'm disappointed in myself... not for signing up, but for having to sign up again.  I'm supposed to be a picture of health and it seems, this time, like I failed myself. It's stupid, I'm sure, because it's not like I'm taking pills or supplements or even eating all the processed WW-label food.  I'm just using the tracking system and maybe some of the recipes.  There's nothing wrong with it, but I feel like I've failed myself.

Hopefully in a few weeks time, I'll be glad I made this decision because I'll be on the better end of it.  Hopefully I stop feeling disappointed with myself for taking a proactive step toward getting back to where I want to be.  Hopefully.  For now, I track my points and keep my head up.